the title says it all. i am back! i also don’t feel like hitting the caps lock, so we’re going to pretend that this is a conversation we’re having on discord, or twitter, or anywhere else because god knows i am unable to use proper grammar or punctuation on social media. does anyone care about this? i don’t know. trying to pull an agent by being weird, i guess. that’s my vibe these days.
in other news: i’ve updated my website! i think it finally looks like me (might be too smiley, actually, but that’s fine).
i think that’s a recurring theme with me—the extraordinary need to be authentic vs the inadequacy. not to be dramatic, but i’ve been struggling with it my all life. for example, i have this really good book that i’m querying (yes, i’m querying again! we’ll get there) that i doubted so, so much would be able to succeed in the trenches. so far, i’m proud and glad to say i was wrong—it has received 14 requests in 22 days, so far. i was scared of it being too much, the religious trauma too raw, the spice too spicy, the catholic themes too taboo, the succubi inclusion too scandalous. silly, silly girl.
the fact of the matter is that this is the type of novel i enjoy reading and writing, and it always was. and you know what happened once i put myself out there, authentically? well, i might not be agented yet, but 14 requests is pretty darn good, if you ask me.
i should also mention i soft-launched this other book. i’m not actively querying it, not really, but it already has two full requests! another book that’s so genuinely me. cannibalistic cults, love/hate relationships, polyam, and the absurdly thin line between wanting to carve out your lover’s heart and feeling your ribcage hollow out when they’re not around. just girly things.
to address the obvious: i’m no longer agented, but there’s no tea to spill. my wonderful ex-agent left agenting, at least for the time being, and i’m back querying. so far, my experience has been vastly different from before. which is great! i know i grew, my writing is better, and working with another person made me evolve.
i don’t know what the future holds, but i’m hopeful—that’s another thing about me and the stories i write. no matter how dark my worlds can get, i like the last message to be about hope. whatever comes, i’m excited for it! and, don’t worry, i’ll be giving you all updates along the journey.